No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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