smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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