The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
