I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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