So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is the high leading the old right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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