There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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