i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
