Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
