$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
