If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
