Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
