so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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