So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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