PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
