I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
