You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
