It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
