I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
