Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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