i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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