you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
