someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
