my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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