Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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