After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
