Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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