last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
