I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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