We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
