There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sarcasm needs its own font
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
