i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
