Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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