I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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