I puked a lego.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
