I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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