Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
