We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just google imaged poop.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
