How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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