he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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