I got chris browned last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
