They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
