she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
