Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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