I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
