u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
