you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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