wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
