i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
