do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
