I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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