Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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