he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
