Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
