suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
