I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I did not marry a roomba.
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