so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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