Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
