FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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