Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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