Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
