He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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