why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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