I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
