When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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