Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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