You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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