Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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