End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
