I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
