I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize