the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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