...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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