Your face is a jimmy john
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
