they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize