Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
