Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize