i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
