ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
