when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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