i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You ruined the universe
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
