She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
